The Luxury of Hypocrisy

Posted on 23 August 2010

So last night I was faced with an ethical dilemma. Nothing major or life changing, really, but still a situation where I very normally take a certain path. Last night, though, I very nearly took the other path, arguing to myself over moral relativism. Since, due to my agnostic nature, I believe that morals come from me, not a higher power, why shouldn’t I be able to bend my own rules without remorse, right? Well, I figured out that, no, I couldn’t. I feel fortunate because outside circumstances forced the situation into a moot point, but I very nearly gained a regret. (and no, I’m not going to elaborate deeper into the situation.)

Anyway, the whole thing got me wondering on some of the deep philosophical questions. The “Who am I?” and “Am I really like that?” types. And while I am still not through that jungle, I have realized something. I do not have the luxury of hypocrisy. I cannot actively do what I think is wrong. This is probably part of the fact that in games like Fallout 3, I cannot take the “evil” path. I am just a good guy, that’s what it comes down to.

So, you might be asking, who do I say does have the luxury of hypocrisy, and what exactly is it? Well, in reverse order, the luxury is of being able to do something you know is wrong and then rationalize it away so you don’t feel bad. And to in part answer the first, I am in particular talking about a religious person’s ability to do wrong then say “oh, I’m just human, but I know what is right, and I am sorry so God forgives me.” Having a moral system that derives itself outside of you allows you to do this, because your actions are separate of the morals.

But, I do not have this separation. My morals come from me, at least as I understand them and have assimilated them from society. But I don’t look to any one source and say “that is my moral set, and that is where I get it from.” I do not place anything above my own conscience like that. And because of it, I have realized, that I doomed to regret every time I don’t do the right thing, no matter how much I don’t want to, and no matter how much it might not be any sort of “objective” right. I have no ability to seek forgiveness from an outside source. And yes, I have tried to find absolution from friends for some regrets before, and it always just falls a little short. In the end, if the morals are in me, then my only hope of absolution is too. And, as they say, the hardest person to forgive is yourself.

On the bright side, I feel that this is probably the leading reason that most people think that I’m one of the nicest, if rough around the edges, people they have ever met. One friend even compared me to Canada (which was huge for her, as she is Canadian.) Still doesn’t mean I didn’t wish I could be a hypocrite sometimes, but I guess it is better than the alternative.